Sunday, January 24, 2010

30 and counting....

It has been a busy year, 2010.  In the last two weeks, I have shot a national commercial, performed at Walt Disney Concert Hall with the Los Angeles Philharmonic (twice), been hired for a real-grown-up-9-5 job, stuck my toes in the waters of a new relationship, and said goodbye to my sister, who now officially resides on the opposite coast.  It seems to me that there would be something in there to write about.  It's just not that easy.  Life right now is a little like walking on the moon: so much uncharted territory. 

Below is what I could muster a few days ago.  I just can't seem to wrap it up.  It lacks a good last paragraph.  I think we are both too much at beginnings right now to bother with endings, so I am posting it anyway.  Endings to come when everything isn't

I think that by taking care of my sister, I thought that I was helping her to grow up.  I was giving her tools that I was sure she didn't have.  Ways to survive, ways to enjoy life, ways to make things easier for her by learning from my mistakes.  I wanted her to know three things: 

1.  How to cook for herself. 
2.  How to manage her finances. 
3.  That to err was the right of her 20's, and nothing but the dawn of her 30th birthday could take that away from her.

Truth be told, I think she could already cook.  She just let me 'teach' her things.  As for her finances, it's really our brother who handles that.  Him and Dave Ramsey.  Number 3, though, was definitely my territory.  I tried to teach her that a glass of wine will cure stress (more than one glass will cure just about anything).  I tried to show her that boys are idiots (sorry, boys) and that your 20's are for figuring out just what level of idiocy you can accept in another human being.  I tried to teach her that being scared never gets anybody anywhere.

As my Mom would say, "The thing of it is...." The thing of it is, I didn't actually teach her anything.  I simply postponed my own growing up by focusing on hers.  So now she gets to go her own way without my (often too loud) voice in her ear, and I have to face what I've been ignoring these last few years:

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